Postpartum Anxiety Isn’t Just a Mom Thing (Yes, Dads—This Means You)
When people hear postpartum anxiety, most imagine a new mom awake at 3 a.m., scrolling through her phone with one hand while holding a baby who absolutely refuses to sleep.
That image isn’t wrong. But it’s not the whole picture.
Because often, right beside her, is a dad quietly running mental laps: Did I hear breathing? What if something goes wrong? Am I doing enough? Why do I feel so on edge all the time?
As a Charlotte-based licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) who works with anxiety, couples, and families navigating major life transitions, I want to say this clearly:
Postpartum anxiety happens to dads, too—and it’s talked about far less than it should be.
This Is More Common Than Most People Realize
Research consistently shows that approximately 10–11% of fathers experience clinically significant anxiety during the perinatal and postpartum period, with some studies finding even higher rates in the first year after birth. Rates increase further when anxiety and depression overlap—which they often do.
Translation: if you’re a new dad feeling more anxious, irritable, or overwhelmed than expected, this is not unusual. It’s not a personal failure. It’s a nervous system responding to a profound life transition.
Becoming a parent is one of the biggest psychological shifts adults experience. Your brain doesn’t care that this was a planned, wanted, deeply loved baby. It still registers sleep deprivation, responsibility overload, and constant vigilance as stress.
Why Postpartum Anxiety in Dads Often Gets Missed
From a family systems perspective, this part matters. Postpartum anxiety doesn’t affect just one person—it affects the whole family system.
Postpartum anxiety in fathers often looks different than what we expect mental health distress to look like. Instead of tearfulness or verbal worry, dads may experience:
Persistent irritability or feeling “on edge”
Difficulty sleeping even when the baby sleeps
Constant scanning for problems or threats
Emotional withdrawal
Overworking or staying busy to avoid slowing down
A heavy internal pressure to “hold it together”
Many dads minimize these symptoms because their partner physically carried and delivered the baby. I hear some version of:
“She went through so much—I don’t get to struggle.”
That belief is understandable—and deeply unhelpful.
Two things can be true at once: Your partner can need support and you can be struggling.
Why Dads’ Anxiety Matters to the Whole Family
Anxiety is not an individual issue in isolation—especially during early parenthood.
Research shows that untreated paternal anxiety and depression are associated with:
Increased relationship strain
Lower co-parenting satisfaction
Reduced parental confidence and bonding
And measurable impacts on child emotional and behavioral development
From a couples and family therapy lens, this makes sense. When one parent is dysregulated, the entire system adjusts around it—often without realizing that anxiety is the driver.
Supporting dads’ mental health isn’t a bonus. It’s preventative care for relationships and families.
Why We Don’t Talk About This Enough
A few honest reasons:
Cultural expectations: Dads are expected to be the stable one. The provider. The calm presence. (Calm people, apparently, do not have nervous systems.)
Healthcare gaps: Perinatal mental health screening overwhelmingly focuses on mothers. Fathers are rarely asked how they’re actually doing.
Internal minimization: Many men believe gratitude should cancel distress. It doesn’t.
So dads show up, push through, and quietly carry anxiety—often until it starts leaking into relationships, sleep, or health.
What Actually Helps (Evidence-Based and Relational)
From both research and clinical work with Charlotte couples and families, several things make a meaningful difference:
Naming it. Anxiety thrives in silence. Identifying postpartum anxiety reduces shame and opens the door to support.
Normalizing therapy for dads. Therapy isn’t about weakness—it’s about learning how to regulate, adapt, and stay connected during a major life transition.
Including both partners. Anxiety often shows up in the relationship first. Couples therapy can be especially effective during the postpartum period.
Using evidence-based approaches. Cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness-based strategies, and family systems work are well-supported for postpartum anxiety.
This isn’t about pathologizing fatherhood. It’s about supporting nervous systems under real pressure.
A Note From a Charlotte LMFT
As a licensed marriage and family therapist in Charlotte, NC, I work with individuals, couples, and families navigating anxiety, postpartum challenges, women’s issues, and major life transitions. From a family systems approach, supporting one parent means supporting the entire family.
If you’re a new dad feeling overwhelmed—or a partner noticing anxiety affecting your relationship—you don’t have to wait until things feel unmanageable to reach out.
You can love your baby deeply and be struggling. You can be grateful and anxious. You can be a good parent and need support.
Those aren’t contradictions. They’re human.
If you’re a new parent and anxiety is quietly shaping your thoughts, your relationship, or how present you feel, support can help. Reaching out isn’t a sign that something is wrong—it’s a step toward steadier footing.
If this sounds like you - reach out today and lets chat.
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Research & Evidence Base
The information in this post is informed by clinical experience and supported by research, including:
Paulson, J. F., & Bazemore, S. D. (2010). Prenatal and postpartum depression in fathers: A meta-analysis. JAMA.
Cameron, E. E., et al. (2016). Paternal depression and anxiety during the perinatal period. Journal of Affective Disorders.
Leach, L. S., et al. (2016). Prevalence and course of anxiety disorders in fathers across the perinatal period. Journal of Affective Disorders.
Ramchandani, P., et al. (2008). Paternal depression and child development. The Lancet.
Postpartum Support International (PSI): Resources for fathers and partners.